Have you ever asked yourself?

Have you ever asked yourself........Am I a GooD person?
While you've dodged someone at the mall to avoid speeking with them (because they always talk to long), or used call display more as a service to screen calls as apposed to just seeing who called while you were out.......Did you ever think to yourself after.....Am I a GooD Person?
When you've snapped at your husband because he forgot something or at your child for being to loud, when you've told a little white lie about a return at a store or better yet told a friend a little "white" lie....did you sit back and ask yourself......Am I a GooD Person?

Have you ever been catty or rude maybe short tempered??? Driven to fast, cut someone off OOOH I no Given someone the finger :)???
Spoken ill of someone when they need not be spoken about, Thought mean thoughts of another, intentionally said something knowing it would hurt another person? Afterwards do you ever wonder to yourself............Am I a GooD Person?

You see........I've thought this about me.......Really could I not be????
There are things we say actions we do, that form a personality , our very own character. What others know us as...Oh you know what I mean......Sally is the kind one Betty the gossip...Annie the warm affectionate one etc.
We all say & do things that either strengthens or tarnishes Us. And it makes me wonder .....
Have you/Could you/ Would you EVER ask yourself.................Am I a GooD Person.

When I look back over the years I have to admit.....I've lied/cheated/was rude/catty/mean/hurtful/embarrassing/inconsiderate/insensitive ....the list could go on...
And although I can make a list of all that is positive about myself.....caring/trustworthy/fair/soft hearted/dependable...........I still think that it is important for us to on occasion sit back & ask ourselves...........

Am I a GooD Person?

A Rare Disease

Not many people know that I have a rare disease nor do they know much about the disease itself.
I have been living with Graves Eye Disease since (I believe Dec.2004, Diagnosed not long after that ) I also have Graves disease. The Graves disease is not what is so rare, it's the Graves Eye Disease also known as ( TED- Thyroid Eye Disease/Graves Opthamolopathy/Thyroid-associated orbitopathy/Graves Orbitopathy ). Only 10% of patients with a thyroid condition will develope TED.
TED is an autoimmune eye condition that, while separate from thyroid disease, is often seen in partnership with Graves disease. It is far more common in women then men. Smoking, which is associated with many autoimmune diseases, raises the odds 7.7-fold (which I was a smoker for a few years after having developed the disease, But quit Feb.09/2007).
The nasty symptoms of this disease are the :Graves Eye Stare (the inflammation behind the eyes causes a wide eyed stare look), Eyelid retraction, Lid Lag, Unable to close the lids ( which makes it difficult for the eye to stay lubricated ), irritation, grittiness, tearing, blurred vision, pressure behind the eye, double vision, and in severe cases the optic nerve can be damaged and result in blindness.
I HATE that I don't look the way I use to. People who see me on a regular basis say its not that bad, but they aren't the ones living with it.
My left eye has been affected more then my right, causing it to protrude a bit more then the other.
The eyes are the one thing that isn't suppose to change no matter how old we get, how fat we get, regardless of wether our hair is getting silver highlights.......Our eyes are not suppose to change.
I have spent hours upon hours infront of a mirror pushing up my bottom left lid in attempts to make my eyes appear to be the same size. I have perfected how to tilt my head for photo's as to not have it so visable.
My rare disease could be worse.......My eye sight hasn't been affected and it appears its in a cold phase ( not progressing ).
I went to a specialist in Ottawa in March after years of dealing with a local eye specialist who is less then charismatic. I was so nervous thinking again I would be told OOOO it's not bad enough to do anything about at this time, but to my surprise .................. He SEEN what I SEE.
I had brought him pics of myself from 10 years ago & 15 years ago, long before this ugly disfiguring illness entered my life, he was amazed at how much my eyes have changed. When I told him about what most people around me say ( that it doesn't appear that it's that bad ) he replied unless they're blind tell them to look at a picture. He scheduled another appointment for June of this year and said if my eyes are still cold we can proceed from there as to wether or not I want to move ahead with decompression surgery to put my eyes back where they belong.
For once since this came into my life "I WAS HEARD". I left my appointment and headed out to the car where my husband was waiting. My husband told me later that he thought it hadn't went well, since my lips were quivering as I walked to the car. I got in, looked at my husband and started to cry..... tears of relief/joy/empowerment. I could possibly have an end to this, I may be able to look like everyone else again.
However now I sit here with so many questions going through my mind about surgery. This is NOT a surgery to be taken lightly, with its own list of risks & possible complications.
He well informed me I would look like someone took a baseball bat to each eye. You are put to sleep for 2.5 hours, I would have to stay in Ottawa for a full week, and that recovery would take a good month or more.

It's SCARY people.......Do I stay the way I am????Dealing with all the daily issues of TED???Or do I take a leap towards regaining some self confidence????
I'm anxious for June to come and find out the verdict on what my eyes are up to.
So I ask ........................What Would You DO????